The fact that approximately 53% of BYU’s population has served a mission for the LDS church plays a major part in the strange BYU culture. While engaging in full-time service for 2 years helps young men grow, learn, and mature, it also, in many ways, makes them very, very immature.
Return missionaries, more specifically, male return missionaries, love to talk about their Mission President. Not only do they love to talk about their MP, they love to brag about he was the best MP that has ever served in the church.
RM #1: “Dude, my Mission President was the best. He taught me so much about myself.”
RM #2: “Oh, I totally know what you mean. I loved my President, he let us watch Disney movies on Sundays.”
RM#1: “I loved watching movies on Sundays. My Mission President was so rich, he owned like 7 businesses.”
RM#2: “Mine too, well not just 7, he owned the whole franchise. He was so rich.”
RM #1: “Yeah, well mine is going to be a GA as soon as he is released.”
RM#2: “Well you weren’t AP like me, so he probably doesn’t even remember you. I was closer to my President than I was to my dad.”
RM#1: “My President calls me, and talks to me on facebook. He totally remembers me. And he has a hot wife.”
RM#2: “Whatever, bro. When my President gets back he’s going to teach me about business, and dating girls, and money…..”
This conversation could continue for hours, literally-HOURS. The time spent on this topic is directionally proportional to the number of RMs in the vicinity, and the number of Mission Presidents brought into the competition for best president.
All types of RMs engage in this debate. All types refers to all missionaries ranging from the uber-rightous/obedient/letter-of-the-law missionaries to the x-box/sneak-out/sleep-in missionaries. All (even if they were sent home by their MP) will claim that the President of their mission was the most amazing, wealthy, righteous, inspired, attractive, hilarious, relaxed/strict, loving man serving the LDS church.
Normally, this point in the post would inform you how to use this BYU characteristic to gain friends/acquaintances in the BYU population. But as mentioned above, these MP conversations can take upwards of two hours, so it is advised that you just avoid the topic at all costs. Of course, this might mean that you just can’t talk about missions period, and that is impossible. So……good luck?
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Friday, October 2, 2009
#10 General Conference
BYU is, obviously, a university administered by the LDS church, which is why 91.734% of the student body is Mormon.
Being an LDS sponsored school, it is no surprise that the first weekends in April and October are a big deal—these are the weekends of General Conference. Five meetings over two days that encourage, teach, and guide Latter-Day-Saints all over the world. However, as a new participant in BYU culture, do not make the mistake of assuming that General Conference weekend is ALL about spiritual alignment.
BYU people have a few favorite activities for this special time of year. These include, and are pretty much limited to:
• Traveling to Cabins
• Going on Dates
• Sleeping
• Enjoying Girls Night/Priesthood Dinner
• Attending Mormon Dances
As it is the first weekend in October, it seemed appropriate to give a brief run-down of each activity so you can choose the activity that suits your social needs.
Traveling to a Cabin:
You may shy away from this option thinking, “My family doesn’t have a cabin.” Don’t worry, someone will invite you to theirs. One in every 2.375 BYU students has access to a cabin within 3 hours of P-Town. If you do spend the weekend at a cabin be prepared for games (endless hours of them), bonfires, eating, cuddling, eating, cuddling, and four wheeling. No, watching General Conference is not in that list, and yes, you can think that is weird.
Going on Dates:
General Conference provides boys four opportunities to ask young co-eds to join them in a wholesome, uplifting activity. There is nothing a BYU guy likes more than taking a girl all dressed in her Sunday best up to Salt Lake City, and then making out with her afterward.
Sleeping:
Instead of having to get dressed up to take a nap in a church building, BYU kids can now just do it in the comfort of their own apartment. Staying in pajamas all day really makes it convenient to sleep right through the meeting. While this is not a very social way to spend the weekend, it is still an extremely popular option. It is one of the reasons GC weekend is a Mormon favorite.
Enjoying Girls Night/Priesthood Dinner:
Saturday night the boys go to Priesthood meeting, and the girls go to the mall. After the meeting, the guys go to dinner, and the girls get pedicures. After dinner fathers and sons spend quality time together, and the girls gossip about their boyfriends/husbands. It is a very uplifting evening for both genders. If you are a guy, go to Priesthood. If you are a girl, go to University Mall, find a group of women your age (there are options: ages 12-78) and inform them that you are dateless for the evening because you encouraged your boyfriend to go to Priesthood. They will invite you to Cold Stone with them.
Attending Mormon Dances:
These events are advertised on the radio/facebook/internet for weeks before the big weekend. Any single person, no matter their dancing style, age, or hotness ranking can find a dance with lots of BYU kids just like them. This is also a chance to realize that there are LDS college kids outside of BYU. You don’t have to be LDS to go to one of these Conference dances, but it’s questionable why anyone would attend if they weren’t.
Best of luck choosing an activity. Enjoy your weekend. Maybe, if you get a chance, you could listen to a talk or two, but do not let it hinder your face time with other BYU kids.
Being an LDS sponsored school, it is no surprise that the first weekends in April and October are a big deal—these are the weekends of General Conference. Five meetings over two days that encourage, teach, and guide Latter-Day-Saints all over the world. However, as a new participant in BYU culture, do not make the mistake of assuming that General Conference weekend is ALL about spiritual alignment.
BYU people have a few favorite activities for this special time of year. These include, and are pretty much limited to:
• Traveling to Cabins
• Going on Dates
• Sleeping
• Enjoying Girls Night/Priesthood Dinner
• Attending Mormon Dances
As it is the first weekend in October, it seemed appropriate to give a brief run-down of each activity so you can choose the activity that suits your social needs.
Traveling to a Cabin:
You may shy away from this option thinking, “My family doesn’t have a cabin.” Don’t worry, someone will invite you to theirs. One in every 2.375 BYU students has access to a cabin within 3 hours of P-Town. If you do spend the weekend at a cabin be prepared for games (endless hours of them), bonfires, eating, cuddling, eating, cuddling, and four wheeling. No, watching General Conference is not in that list, and yes, you can think that is weird.
Going on Dates:
General Conference provides boys four opportunities to ask young co-eds to join them in a wholesome, uplifting activity. There is nothing a BYU guy likes more than taking a girl all dressed in her Sunday best up to Salt Lake City, and then making out with her afterward.
Sleeping:
Instead of having to get dressed up to take a nap in a church building, BYU kids can now just do it in the comfort of their own apartment. Staying in pajamas all day really makes it convenient to sleep right through the meeting. While this is not a very social way to spend the weekend, it is still an extremely popular option. It is one of the reasons GC weekend is a Mormon favorite.
Enjoying Girls Night/Priesthood Dinner:
Saturday night the boys go to Priesthood meeting, and the girls go to the mall. After the meeting, the guys go to dinner, and the girls get pedicures. After dinner fathers and sons spend quality time together, and the girls gossip about their boyfriends/husbands. It is a very uplifting evening for both genders. If you are a guy, go to Priesthood. If you are a girl, go to University Mall, find a group of women your age (there are options: ages 12-78) and inform them that you are dateless for the evening because you encouraged your boyfriend to go to Priesthood. They will invite you to Cold Stone with them.
Attending Mormon Dances:
These events are advertised on the radio/facebook/internet for weeks before the big weekend. Any single person, no matter their dancing style, age, or hotness ranking can find a dance with lots of BYU kids just like them. This is also a chance to realize that there are LDS college kids outside of BYU. You don’t have to be LDS to go to one of these Conference dances, but it’s questionable why anyone would attend if they weren’t.
Best of luck choosing an activity. Enjoy your weekend. Maybe, if you get a chance, you could listen to a talk or two, but do not let it hinder your face time with other BYU kids.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
#9 Not Eating Sushi
Upper-middle class college kids love sushi. It sets them apart as young adults with refined taste and maturity. When you come to BYU, just beware, when you go out to eat sushi with BYU students, there are a few things that may be different than your other sushi experiences.
As a preface: BYU students are cheap. Really cheap. You could claim that it is because 10% of their paycheck goes to a better place every month, but considering that BYU tuition is 10% of other universities, it seems like it would even out. Maybe BYU students are just too sober to spend money arbitrarily, or maybe they are just focused on saving up for a trip abroad. Point is, they are cheap, just ask any waiter or waitress that works in Happy Valley.
This being the case, when you go out for sushi, half the group will not order anything. Spending $10 on some rice and raw salmon cannot be justified by these frugal twenty-somethings. They instead will sit staring at everyone else ingest rolls and try to keep reminding themselves they are making responsible financial decisions. Meanwhile the waiter is quite disturbed that of 20 people at the table, 7 have placed an order(water and one roll each).
There will be approximately 23 pictures taken of the group “eating” sushi. These photos will all be uploaded and tagged on facebook the next day as evidence of the student’s high class, cultural expedition.
Several of the kids that claim to LOOOOVE sushi will suddenly lose their appetites when the group arrives at the restaurant, but they want to be tagged in the pictures of them holding the sushi.
Do not expect anyone to opt for the ‘all-you-can-eat’ menu choice. The only place BYU kids justify that sort of expense is at the Cannon Center when Mom & Dad sponsor a meal plan.
There will inevitably be a stop at Wendy’s and/or Taco Bell on the way home from eating sushi. This is because the frugal kids are starving after watching everyone eat for thirty minutes, and the kids that were too terrified to eat more than one bite of the Unagi need a chaser.
Enjoy your California roll and wasabi, and please, do what you can to make sure that waiter gets a decent tip (or at lease A tip).
As a preface: BYU students are cheap. Really cheap. You could claim that it is because 10% of their paycheck goes to a better place every month, but considering that BYU tuition is 10% of other universities, it seems like it would even out. Maybe BYU students are just too sober to spend money arbitrarily, or maybe they are just focused on saving up for a trip abroad. Point is, they are cheap, just ask any waiter or waitress that works in Happy Valley.
This being the case, when you go out for sushi, half the group will not order anything. Spending $10 on some rice and raw salmon cannot be justified by these frugal twenty-somethings. They instead will sit staring at everyone else ingest rolls and try to keep reminding themselves they are making responsible financial decisions. Meanwhile the waiter is quite disturbed that of 20 people at the table, 7 have placed an order(water and one roll each).
There will be approximately 23 pictures taken of the group “eating” sushi. These photos will all be uploaded and tagged on facebook the next day as evidence of the student’s high class, cultural expedition.
Several of the kids that claim to LOOOOVE sushi will suddenly lose their appetites when the group arrives at the restaurant, but they want to be tagged in the pictures of them holding the sushi.
Do not expect anyone to opt for the ‘all-you-can-eat’ menu choice. The only place BYU kids justify that sort of expense is at the Cannon Center when Mom & Dad sponsor a meal plan.
There will inevitably be a stop at Wendy’s and/or Taco Bell on the way home from eating sushi. This is because the frugal kids are starving after watching everyone eat for thirty minutes, and the kids that were too terrified to eat more than one bite of the Unagi need a chaser.
Enjoy your California roll and wasabi, and please, do what you can to make sure that waiter gets a decent tip (or at lease A tip).
Thursday, September 10, 2009
#8 Pre-Status Majors
When you first come to BYU you may be curious as to what students are studying, it is a university after all. However, there actually is no need to ask anyone their intended field, because the entire BYU population can be wrapped up into just a few majors: Pre-Med, Pre-Law, Pre-MBA, Pre-Dental, and elementary education. Not one of those (with the exception of the latter) is an actual major, but BYU kids tend to think otherwise. BYU does not offer a Pre-Med major, nor does any other university. There are majors that prep you for post-grad education, but those are usually along the lines of BioChemistry or Political Science. However, whenever you ask a student his or her major, they so often reply, “I’m Pre-Med” instead of Exercise Science or Chemistry.
I’m telling you this because I don’t want you to stand there in confusion wondering why in the world BYU would call a major strictly Pre-Med. BYU has its weaknesses, but allowing students to major in anything ‘pre’ isn’t one of them. Also, it might be beneficial for you to understand some of the reasoning behind this pseudo-major.
Possibility #1: The majority of BYU students actions are centered around getting a data and/or getting married (preferably in the same week). BYU girls are easily impressed by future potential success, success that will pay for them to live in Highland, the East Bench, or Southern California as soon as possible. Dating a young man that has intentions of going to Dental School allows them to fantasize of their future dream home. For some reason, the girls do not register the fact that the guy’s 2.4 GPA will probably not get him into Dental School, and even if it does he will be $200,000 in debt by the time he finishes. Young men have caught on to the fact that the ladies don’t see these downsides, so they use it as an easy way to catch a mate, or at least a NCMO.
Possibility #2: BYU students come from backgrounds where they are used to being the best, the academic elite, the kids with limitless potential. Often these BYU people are shocked when they come to BYU and realize that there are a 30,000 other kids just as successful as (if not more than) themselves. By informing everyone that they know that they are going to Medical School they feel like they are still keeping their head above the crowd. They are not just another Biology major or Chemistry nerd—they are going to be a doctor! Very often they fail to focus on the actual application part, and their pre-status never becomes status, but it gets them through college anyway.
Possibility #3: First impressions are tough. Considering that college students usually get asked their major before their name, word choice is critical.
Whatever the reason, it is safe to say that the pre-status majors are a result of the fragile confidence of so many in the BYU population. Try not to ridicule them openly when they inform you what they are ‘studying,’ but be charmed by their drive and ambition.
I’m telling you this because I don’t want you to stand there in confusion wondering why in the world BYU would call a major strictly Pre-Med. BYU has its weaknesses, but allowing students to major in anything ‘pre’ isn’t one of them. Also, it might be beneficial for you to understand some of the reasoning behind this pseudo-major.
Possibility #1: The majority of BYU students actions are centered around getting a data and/or getting married (preferably in the same week). BYU girls are easily impressed by future potential success, success that will pay for them to live in Highland, the East Bench, or Southern California as soon as possible. Dating a young man that has intentions of going to Dental School allows them to fantasize of their future dream home. For some reason, the girls do not register the fact that the guy’s 2.4 GPA will probably not get him into Dental School, and even if it does he will be $200,000 in debt by the time he finishes. Young men have caught on to the fact that the ladies don’t see these downsides, so they use it as an easy way to catch a mate, or at least a NCMO.
Possibility #2: BYU students come from backgrounds where they are used to being the best, the academic elite, the kids with limitless potential. Often these BYU people are shocked when they come to BYU and realize that there are a 30,000 other kids just as successful as (if not more than) themselves. By informing everyone that they know that they are going to Medical School they feel like they are still keeping their head above the crowd. They are not just another Biology major or Chemistry nerd—they are going to be a doctor! Very often they fail to focus on the actual application part, and their pre-status never becomes status, but it gets them through college anyway.
Possibility #3: First impressions are tough. Considering that college students usually get asked their major before their name, word choice is critical.
Whatever the reason, it is safe to say that the pre-status majors are a result of the fragile confidence of so many in the BYU population. Try not to ridicule them openly when they inform you what they are ‘studying,’ but be charmed by their drive and ambition.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
#7 Texting in Church
While BYU kids are abstaining from sex, drugs, and alcohol they are texting. Like every other member in this technology generation they are glued to their phone. This doesn’t stop when they go to learn why they are abstaining from the above-mentioned activities. If you are an outsider this post is to inform you that it is perfectly acceptable to text in church, but not acceptable to have members of the opposite gender in your apartment at 12:05.
BYU people love texting in church for the following reasons:
• Instead of actually sitting by each other, BYU students can text each other cute comments and get their flirt on. It is up for debate whether clicking nails on keypads are more distracting than two individuals giggling and touching during the meeting. Discuss.
• It is sometimes just too much to sit through a 20 minute talk.
• You can post to Twitter “Church is so true!” even if you haven’t listened to a word that has been said.
• Every minute can be good news minute, and gossip now comes in electronic form.
“If I were giving a talk -- no way I would do my hair like that. :S”
“Ummm, I thought the musical number was supposed to sound like music.”
“R they holding hands? R they dating? When did that happen?”
“Was he really supposed to just take the sacrament?”
• Extended testimonies over the pulpit can now be discussed while they are happening instead of in the foyer or at dinner group afterwards.
T9 Away!
BYU people love texting in church for the following reasons:
• Instead of actually sitting by each other, BYU students can text each other cute comments and get their flirt on. It is up for debate whether clicking nails on keypads are more distracting than two individuals giggling and touching during the meeting. Discuss.
• It is sometimes just too much to sit through a 20 minute talk.
• You can post to Twitter “Church is so true!” even if you haven’t listened to a word that has been said.
• Every minute can be good news minute, and gossip now comes in electronic form.
“If I were giving a talk -- no way I would do my hair like that. :S”
“Ummm, I thought the musical number was supposed to sound like music.”
“R they holding hands? R they dating? When did that happen?”
“Was he really supposed to just take the sacrament?”
• Extended testimonies over the pulpit can now be discussed while they are happening instead of in the foyer or at dinner group afterwards.
T9 Away!
Thursday, August 6, 2009
#6 Being First
It can probably be said of all college cultures that trends catch on fast and scatter rapidly throughout the population. Trends might include: Rockin’ Republics, messenger bags, Vans, frozen yogurt, and the like. BYU is just as subject to these trends as the rest, especially the grass roots type. Recent favorites in Cougar Town:
Headbands
Regina Spektor
Barack Obama
Flight of the Conchords
Destination Weddings
Cruiser Bikes
Macs
Skiing not Snowboarding
All of these trends deserve their popularity (some more than others) and have improved the quality of life of many students. However, BYU people love insisting that they were part of the trend first.
A prime demonstration of this can be found with any Apple user on campus. As you compliment an individual’s new environmentally friendly aluminum Macbook, they will assure you that they have always been a Mac user. They have never used a PC, and while they are pleased with Apple’s recent success, it is not why they purchased the new sexy laptop that classifies them as artsy, organic, and independent.
Further evidence of this BYU habit is seen in the music scene. Discussion of an upcoming concert or show will begin in class, and before anyone can reveal the venue or date of the event, a BYU kid pipes up “I heard of them first!” An excessive monologue then ensues, as the BYU kid elaborates on how he or she has loved the group even before they went mainstream or had any fan base. This BYU kid has been with them since the MySpace days.
This type of BYU kid shopped at Urban Outfitters first, bought a fixie first, wore cardigans first, watched the British Office before it was produced in the U.S., and supported Obama at the beginning of his campaign.
Now, to explain, BYU people insist they were first because they are afraid of appearing like they are just jumping on a bandwagon. Individuality is EXTREMELY important in a culture where everyone has the same beliefs, morals (more or less), and ancestors.
To make peace with an individuality seeking BYU student: find any opportunity to bring up a singer songwriter (Kate Nash or Andrew Bird might work) that is on the track to popularity and success and discuss how you went to their first show back in the beginning. The BYU student will either try to one-up you, by saying Kate Nash is his/her cousin (if this is the response—act so jealous), or he/she will be in awe of your fantastic taste. Either way, you most likely have a new BYU friend that you can shop for V-necks with.
Headbands
Regina Spektor
Barack Obama
Flight of the Conchords
Destination Weddings
Cruiser Bikes
Macs
Skiing not Snowboarding
All of these trends deserve their popularity (some more than others) and have improved the quality of life of many students. However, BYU people love insisting that they were part of the trend first.
A prime demonstration of this can be found with any Apple user on campus. As you compliment an individual’s new environmentally friendly aluminum Macbook, they will assure you that they have always been a Mac user. They have never used a PC, and while they are pleased with Apple’s recent success, it is not why they purchased the new sexy laptop that classifies them as artsy, organic, and independent.
Further evidence of this BYU habit is seen in the music scene. Discussion of an upcoming concert or show will begin in class, and before anyone can reveal the venue or date of the event, a BYU kid pipes up “I heard of them first!” An excessive monologue then ensues, as the BYU kid elaborates on how he or she has loved the group even before they went mainstream or had any fan base. This BYU kid has been with them since the MySpace days.
This type of BYU kid shopped at Urban Outfitters first, bought a fixie first, wore cardigans first, watched the British Office before it was produced in the U.S., and supported Obama at the beginning of his campaign.
Now, to explain, BYU people insist they were first because they are afraid of appearing like they are just jumping on a bandwagon. Individuality is EXTREMELY important in a culture where everyone has the same beliefs, morals (more or less), and ancestors.
To make peace with an individuality seeking BYU student: find any opportunity to bring up a singer songwriter (Kate Nash or Andrew Bird might work) that is on the track to popularity and success and discuss how you went to their first show back in the beginning. The BYU student will either try to one-up you, by saying Kate Nash is his/her cousin (if this is the response—act so jealous), or he/she will be in awe of your fantastic taste. Either way, you most likely have a new BYU friend that you can shop for V-necks with.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
#5 Overused Words
On college campuses you can rarely have a conversation without hearing a few choice, four letter words. Just walking through the halls, minding your own business, these words make it to your ears. It is the unoriginality, not the meaning, of these terms that can cause the ears significant pain.
Just because BYU has a demographic of students that choose not to swear (some more than others) does not mean the campus is free from painful words. Whether you are a part of a conversation, or just overhearing one, you are subject to BYU’s own cliché terms.
If you truly wish to be a part of BYU culture, you need to be informed of these words. Not only so you can use them to show your original unoriginality, but so don't wince or vomit in your first encounters with them.
ran•dom (noun, verb, adjective, and everything else)
“Oh my gosh, when John came over with brownies last night, that was so random!”
“Dude, I just made out with that random chick across the street” “Whoa, dude, so random.”
“So, I randomly decided to take underwater basket weaving.”
“This homework, so random.”
“I’m such a random person, I love doing random things, hanging out with random people, going to random places. I LOVE random, I’m like, the definition of random.”
Are you gagging? The saturation of the word ‘random’ in the above examples is sufficient preparation as to the actual usage level on campus.
con•cep•tu•al•ly, con•cep•tu•al•ize (and any other form)
These words, and various other terms, are used by the nerd-ier BYU crowd. (Clarification: nerdy in this sense refers to the BYU students more inclined towards studying, homework, and the like. Nerdy can actually define the entire BYU population, but there are sub-categories.)
Common uses are:
“Professor, I loved your lecture, you are my role model, but do you think you could explain to me a little more conceptually what is going on?”
“I need to wrap my brain around this concept. I got a 105% on the exam, but conceptually, I don’t quite know the material.”
“So, I’ve done my homework three weeks ahead, I feel like I really can conceptualize this concept, conceptually. I really get it. I love these concepts.”
I think you can understand the usage now, conceptually.
awk•ward (adjective)
“OMG, it was so awkward, Zack was over at my apt watching a movie, and Brian came over with cookies. I felt so awkward. Oh it was awkward!!”
“I have to go talk with my bishop tonight. Awkward.”
“Dude, that random chick I made out with? Ya, she texted me. Man, it was awkward.”
Very often, you will find the words awkward and random in the same sentence.
play (verb)
“You should play with me and my roommates!!!”
“Last night? Oh we just went to dinner and played.”
“Call me soon!! I want to play!”
Only used by girls, but overused nonetheless. This is an important term to know about, as it could easily be interpreted as something else.
shi* (an obvious substitute for a four letter word)
The asterisk above can be replaced with any consonant, or just left off entirely. I don’t think you need any examples, as it is just used in the same situations as the actual word. It is a favorite on campus.
There are, of course, other words to this list, but this is the worst of them. If you integrate these words into your vocabulary, your transition to zoobie life will be a smooth one.
An example sentence for your first experience on campus:
“I really love BYU. There are so many random people to play with, and so many awkward things to do! But shi* the classes are hard, I don’t understand the concepts at all!”
Memorize that and you will be fine. Also, if you choose to wear ear plugs, I won’t judge you, even though you will look soooo awkward!
Just because BYU has a demographic of students that choose not to swear (some more than others) does not mean the campus is free from painful words. Whether you are a part of a conversation, or just overhearing one, you are subject to BYU’s own cliché terms.
If you truly wish to be a part of BYU culture, you need to be informed of these words. Not only so you can use them to show your original unoriginality, but so don't wince or vomit in your first encounters with them.
ran•dom (noun, verb, adjective, and everything else)
“Oh my gosh, when John came over with brownies last night, that was so random!”
“Dude, I just made out with that random chick across the street” “Whoa, dude, so random.”
“So, I randomly decided to take underwater basket weaving.”
“This homework, so random.”
“I’m such a random person, I love doing random things, hanging out with random people, going to random places. I LOVE random, I’m like, the definition of random.”
Are you gagging? The saturation of the word ‘random’ in the above examples is sufficient preparation as to the actual usage level on campus.
con•cep•tu•al•ly, con•cep•tu•al•ize (and any other form)
These words, and various other terms, are used by the nerd-ier BYU crowd. (Clarification: nerdy in this sense refers to the BYU students more inclined towards studying, homework, and the like. Nerdy can actually define the entire BYU population, but there are sub-categories.)
Common uses are:
“Professor, I loved your lecture, you are my role model, but do you think you could explain to me a little more conceptually what is going on?”
“I need to wrap my brain around this concept. I got a 105% on the exam, but conceptually, I don’t quite know the material.”
“So, I’ve done my homework three weeks ahead, I feel like I really can conceptualize this concept, conceptually. I really get it. I love these concepts.”
I think you can understand the usage now, conceptually.
awk•ward (adjective)
“OMG, it was so awkward, Zack was over at my apt watching a movie, and Brian came over with cookies. I felt so awkward. Oh it was awkward!!”
“I have to go talk with my bishop tonight. Awkward.”
“Dude, that random chick I made out with? Ya, she texted me. Man, it was awkward.”
Very often, you will find the words awkward and random in the same sentence.
play (verb)
“You should play with me and my roommates!!!”
“Last night? Oh we just went to dinner and played.”
“Call me soon!! I want to play!”
Only used by girls, but overused nonetheless. This is an important term to know about, as it could easily be interpreted as something else.
shi* (an obvious substitute for a four letter word)
The asterisk above can be replaced with any consonant, or just left off entirely. I don’t think you need any examples, as it is just used in the same situations as the actual word. It is a favorite on campus.
There are, of course, other words to this list, but this is the worst of them. If you integrate these words into your vocabulary, your transition to zoobie life will be a smooth one.
An example sentence for your first experience on campus:
“I really love BYU. There are so many random people to play with, and so many awkward things to do! But shi* the classes are hard, I don’t understand the concepts at all!”
Memorize that and you will be fine. Also, if you choose to wear ear plugs, I won’t judge you, even though you will look soooo awkward!
Saturday, September 13, 2008
#4 The Pie
If you attend BYU, there is one thing you must do at least once during your time there. Drive all the way up to your rival’s campus, and eat at their most popular pizza place. Seriously, write your name on the wall at The Pie, and your college education is complete.
It is a mystery why a basement crawling with Utes is such a popular destination. Is there really not a place to get a decent pizza in the 40 miles of habitation between Provo and Salt Lake? While there is no known definite reason BYU people must make this journey, one can always hypothesize. The following is a list of possibilities, so you can make your own informed decision.
1-They have pitchers at The Pie. This is the most obvious reason a BYU person would want to go to the Pie. Oh, don’t worry, no group of BYU people would order one, but the table next to them might. For those BYU people, it’s the closest encounter they have to alcohol, and they consider it a rush. Driving 40 miles is worth it, just for an experience on the edge. A BYU kid is really sweet if he goes to The Pie with his Ute friends, and one of them orders a pitcher. He gets to look like a typical college student, without breaking the honor code. He’ll secretly hope that someone is taking pictures (not pitchers), so he’ll be tagged in the same photos as the beer. He also gets to enjoy his whole 8” square of pizza as he stares at the liquid gold. Its presence has brought him instant status.
2-The Pie is a hole in the wall. So many BYU kids have to live in grungy establishments, why not eat in one? (The grungy establishments are because of the 2 mile radius rule—ridiculous). When you go to the Pie, make sure to check out the restrooms, but do so AFTER you have eaten.
3-The pizza at The Pie is good. So is their version of Pizzookie, and the cheesy bread. Really, it’s tasty.
4- The Pie is in ‘the city.’ It’s a different culture, there is a lower concentration of LDS kids, cigarette smoke lingers in the air if you are in the right places, BYU kids can go 80’s dancing before or after they eat, or after a concert of a band their roommates told them was cool so they went, even though they’ve never heard of the band, their parents never let them go to a concerts when they lived at home, so they had to seize the opportunity. Like stated before, it’s living on the edge.
5-They have pitchers.
Of course, to really make an informed decision you need to go there yourself. Don’t mention you go to BYU, and like I said before, visit the restroom, there are some great messages in there. It is just West of U of U campus on 200 South.
It is a mystery why a basement crawling with Utes is such a popular destination. Is there really not a place to get a decent pizza in the 40 miles of habitation between Provo and Salt Lake? While there is no known definite reason BYU people must make this journey, one can always hypothesize. The following is a list of possibilities, so you can make your own informed decision.
1-They have pitchers at The Pie. This is the most obvious reason a BYU person would want to go to the Pie. Oh, don’t worry, no group of BYU people would order one, but the table next to them might. For those BYU people, it’s the closest encounter they have to alcohol, and they consider it a rush. Driving 40 miles is worth it, just for an experience on the edge. A BYU kid is really sweet if he goes to The Pie with his Ute friends, and one of them orders a pitcher. He gets to look like a typical college student, without breaking the honor code. He’ll secretly hope that someone is taking pictures (not pitchers), so he’ll be tagged in the same photos as the beer. He also gets to enjoy his whole 8” square of pizza as he stares at the liquid gold. Its presence has brought him instant status.
2-The Pie is a hole in the wall. So many BYU kids have to live in grungy establishments, why not eat in one? (The grungy establishments are because of the 2 mile radius rule—ridiculous). When you go to the Pie, make sure to check out the restrooms, but do so AFTER you have eaten.
3-The pizza at The Pie is good. So is their version of Pizzookie, and the cheesy bread. Really, it’s tasty.
4- The Pie is in ‘the city.’ It’s a different culture, there is a lower concentration of LDS kids, cigarette smoke lingers in the air if you are in the right places, BYU kids can go 80’s dancing before or after they eat, or after a concert of a band their roommates told them was cool so they went, even though they’ve never heard of the band, their parents never let them go to a concerts when they lived at home, so they had to seize the opportunity. Like stated before, it’s living on the edge.
5-They have pitchers.
Of course, to really make an informed decision you need to go there yourself. Don’t mention you go to BYU, and like I said before, visit the restroom, there are some great messages in there. It is just West of U of U campus on 200 South.
Saturday, September 6, 2008
#3 Dating RMs
“It’s just so weird! I mean, he’s an RM!!!”
“You better be careful, I bet he is going to want to marry you after the first date!”
“Oh, I wish I hadn’t given him my number!”
There is some truth to her concern, as there are some strange young men out there; however, that isn’t why she is complaining. BYU people, more specifically BYU girls, LOVE to complain about dates with RM’s. BYU girls like talking about dates enough already, but the RM factor makes it so much jucier!
It should be said, it is understandable these young ladies are excited by the new opportunities available to them on campus. Many of them come from high schools where the only Mormon boy was their brother and/or cousin. Why not secretly gloat in this sudden attention? However they choose to rub their popularity in their roommate’s face is up to them.
So, in order to get a BYU girls attention, or need a conversation starter, (if you don’t have the right stickers on your Nalgene® bottle) ask her about her freshman year. As she chit chats about her awesome roommates and awesome ward, casually bring up your ‘friend’ that went on a date with an RM freshman year. This is sure to bring up a shriek of horror as she recalls every RM from her Biology class that asked her out freshman year. Guaranteed, that is all the conversation material you need.
There is the occasional girl that ended up marrying the RM she went out with freshman year, if this is the case, you shouldn’t be trying to talk to her. It is important to start noticing the left hand before you even look at girl's face on campus (it’s better not to see what you can’t have).
Friday, August 22, 2008
#2 Early Morning Seminary
When going to BYU it is important you know the difference between Release Time Seminary and Early Morning Seminary. Almost 95% of BYU kids had to attend one of the two in order to get into BYU and carry on the family tradition.
Release Time Seminary is a class period in a high school student’s day. Usually it is stuck between Calculus and lunch, or it’s a student’s first/last period in the day. Either way, it allows the student to fully take advantage of the extra minutes given to walk to and from the seminary building.
Early Morning Seminary is something else. The high school student has to set an alarm for 4:30 AM so he can push snooze 6 times before dragging his Mormon behind to a freezing cold church. When he finally arrives he gets to fight the urge to use his scriptures as a pillow as the teacher (probably a parent of one of the kids in the class) struggles to teach Scripture Mastery to zombies.
When you hang out with a group of BYU people long enough, you will find out which students attended Early Morning. They will make it clear to you how blessed they were to have ‘the opportunity’ to struggle to stay awake every day for four long years. Undoubtedly you will hear horror stories of scraping a car at 5:20 am, falling asleep at the wheel, and sleeping through math tests.
If you want to gain points with this crowd tell them how you only had Release Time at your high school, but you are in awe of their example and steadfastness. Saying this will prompt them to tell you more of the hardships they went through—for which they will love you. If you want to lose points quickly, inform this crowd your school had both Release Time and Early Morning, but you chose to go to Release Time. In their eyes you have now become one of the BYU kids that has not earned a ticket to BYU, and one that will likely become inactive as soon as you no longer need ecclesiastical endorsements.
WARNING: if you start discussing Seminary, be prepared to listen to fond memories of being on ‘the council.’
Release Time Seminary is a class period in a high school student’s day. Usually it is stuck between Calculus and lunch, or it’s a student’s first/last period in the day. Either way, it allows the student to fully take advantage of the extra minutes given to walk to and from the seminary building.
Early Morning Seminary is something else. The high school student has to set an alarm for 4:30 AM so he can push snooze 6 times before dragging his Mormon behind to a freezing cold church. When he finally arrives he gets to fight the urge to use his scriptures as a pillow as the teacher (probably a parent of one of the kids in the class) struggles to teach Scripture Mastery to zombies.
When you hang out with a group of BYU people long enough, you will find out which students attended Early Morning. They will make it clear to you how blessed they were to have ‘the opportunity’ to struggle to stay awake every day for four long years. Undoubtedly you will hear horror stories of scraping a car at 5:20 am, falling asleep at the wheel, and sleeping through math tests.
If you want to gain points with this crowd tell them how you only had Release Time at your high school, but you are in awe of their example and steadfastness. Saying this will prompt them to tell you more of the hardships they went through—for which they will love you. If you want to lose points quickly, inform this crowd your school had both Release Time and Early Morning, but you chose to go to Release Time. In their eyes you have now become one of the BYU kids that has not earned a ticket to BYU, and one that will likely become inactive as soon as you no longer need ecclesiastical endorsements.
WARNING: if you start discussing Seminary, be prepared to listen to fond memories of being on ‘the council.’
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
#1 Nalgene® Bottles
What makes these bottles more interesting is the slew of stickers often slathered sideways sloppily across them (unnecessary alliteration intended). It’s always so surprising when the high heeled brunette from LA pulls out her bottle from her Juicy Couture bag with Black Diamond, Marmot, and North Face stickers placed strategically on its surface. When asked about the labels, she replies, “I’m really outdoorsy.” The young man next to her grins as he pulls out the same bottle with significantly more labels, placed a little more haphazardly, and points out his Black Diamond Sticker. Obviously from separate worlds, the two find true love over a corporate brand.
And so it is clear, that like everything else on BYU campus, Nalgene® can lead to finding an eternal companion.
If you find yourself on BYU campus lost and lonely, run to the bookstore and pick up a bottle (the larger the better—and you can’t go wrong with bright yellow), head West to Outdoors Unlimited to pick up a free sticker or two, and just sit in the Terrace. You won’t be alone for long.
Yes, this is a knock off.
Many of you may have heard of the hilarious blog-made-book Stuff White People Like. If you haven't discovered it yet, do so: http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com. The list is so accurate (for white middle class 15-30 year olds), its ridiculous. It has left several readers crying at their computers, and rolling in bookstores. These readers are both white, and not-white. Reading the material leads an individual to think of the more specific idiosyncrasies in his or her own life and culture—this being the case, it seemed only appropriate to create a blog dedicated to the strange but true things BYU kids "like". While, there are several groups and sites dedicated to the "you might be a BYU student if" motif, a blog allows for a more in depth exploration and flagrant mockery. It can also teach those not of BYU culture, how to integrate themselves into this lifestyle, and maybe even possibly, pass as a BYU student.
If you have a blog you would like 'published' on this URL (that is relevant to this blog, of course), just send an email to byukids@gmail.com. Feel free to send insults and suggestions as well, or just post them publicly.
As a disclaimer, this has been created by a current BYU student, who does not mean harm in any way. It should be viewed as friendly jest, because really, life is too important to be taken seriously.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
