Friday, October 29, 2010

#21 Halloween

It’s a BIG weekend. You need tips, advice, ideas, insight so that you can truly experience Halloween at BYU.

Now you are thinking, Oh crap, I mean shiz, I don’t even have a costume yet! Don’t worry, while you are a minority in not having an articulately handcrafted, disturbingly accurate costume prepared, we are here to help you.

It’s very easy to have a successful Halloween at BYU, just try any of the following:

Does it involve tight black leather? Butt-hugging spankies? A bust-boosting-bustier? It’s HALLOWEEN all of these things are suddenly acceptable at public events!!! Lady Gaga…a sweet, yet slutty [INSERT PUBLIC WORKER]…cavewoman… whatever, just suck it in and make it fit. This is your chance to be like the rest of the Belmont girls and dress up to get down!

Beef it UP
You and your bros can be the boys from Jersey Shore, or gym rats (oh wait, that’s still Jersey Shore), or rough and tough army guys. Halloween is always an excuse to pull out that muscle T and show BYU what 9th East Gold’s has done for you. {Note, the author has just realized that previous years 'Beef It Up' costumes were not actually costumes, they were just part of the Halloween party sponsoring team-APEX.}

Try too Hard
Does it involve face paint and excruciatingly painful attention to detail? Yes? Perfect. People will be amazed by your efforts, but secretly hate you because your costume is better than theirs. Last year it was the Joker, so you can’t do that one, but feel free to try any other popular movie character.

Be Smart
Show off that all your time in the lab has actually made you more creative. Dress up as a red blood cell, a black hole, world peace, a logic gate, the Heisenberg uncertainty principle, or μ. BYUs love to show off that they are smarter than you, so “clever” costumes like this are always popular at the unavoidable ward Halloween party.

Look so Famous
No, this doesn’t mean dress like a celebrity (that’s in the skankify category), this means do something that can make it to YouTube. Remember the PacMen costumes? Those were a big hit. Do whatever it takes to get people to pull out their cell phones and push record. Just to clarify, 'Look so Famous' is a sub-category of 'Try too Hard', but it comes with more glory.

Get a Date
Grab a future eternal companion and be the Incredibles, Salt and Pepper, Barbie and Ken, SNL Spartan Cheerleaders, Hugs and Kisses—anything that allows you to be finger-down-your-throat precious. You’ll be envied. If possible borrow a friend’s baby and add it to your get-up, you will get even more looks of longing from the BYU’s underclass: the singles.

Or Go in a Group
No doubt there is an apartment that needs a plus-one to their Bowling Team, Brady Bunch Family, Super-Hero Entourage, or Secret Service Group. BYU crews love to roll into big parties in co-ordinating costumes where they attempt to one-up or hook-up with other costumed groups. Is there a better match for the girls from bachelorette and than the boys from Jersey Shore? Certainly not.

So, pick a category, and rummage through your closet to find something that works. If it were September, we would recommend going to DI or Savers, but these stores have long since been picked over by the perfectionist BYU population.

If you think that dressing up is pointless, that is ridiculous. There are LITERALLY hundreds of ward parties planned for this holiday, and countless other events hosted by apartments trying to prove that they really are the cool kids on the block. Just walk around, you’ll find one.

Have a wonderful weekend, and remember, only eat candy that comes in a wrapper.


A-Dawg said...

I would just wear my uniform. It looks cool, requires no effort (I can claim it's not for Halloween), and is completely legit :-)

Sara... said...

I loved this soooo much.

Bare Bones Magazine said...

You forgot the "Apathetic Non-conformist" category!

Prove to the masses that you're just as neurotic and vain as everyone else but just too stuck-up to do anything "normal".

Costumes include: UVU Student, "Yourself", RM, or anything else that involves the sole use of a name-tag.

Brad Smith said...

Coolest costume I saw this year falls into the "Look so famous" category. Three guys walked around campus as the ghosts from the castles of Mario 3 - theme music and everything. They would follow people and then "hide" when they turned around. It was "epic."

Chris said...

Dear BYU Blog,
I love this! Its so accurate. For this reason I have an idea for your next post. So me and my roommates were pondering about some other BYU cultural items and we've decided that "stuffbyupeoplelike" needs to make a post about off-campus living, namely about the stereotypes that exist around certain off-campus living areas such as Alpine village, the Elms, the Houses, etc. We think this would be helpful for its comical purposes obviously but more importantly because it could be a good way to find out where you want to live judging by who generally lives where. Please consider this, I would love to see it up here. Thank you!

Russell, a.k.a. "The Historian" said...

My example of "Try to Hard:"