Wednesday, November 17, 2010

#22 The HBLL

The semester is in full swing, and the pressure is on. The exams, papers, and projects seem never ending for the over-achieving BYU population. To get through such a daunting work load, BYU students rely heavily on the library for all their academic and social needs. You are welcome to utilize this beautiful facility as long as you understand a few key rules.

Normal library rules goes something like this:

1.  No talking
2.  No gum
3.  No eating or drinking
4.  No cell phones
5.  No running

But this is BYU, where nothing is normal, so the library rules go something like this:

1.  DO NOT wear your earbuds through the security gate.

2.  DO NOT make the mistake of thinking you can stay till 5:01 in your group study room. YOU WILL be kicked out. You should probably just leave early.

3.  DO NOT  take the diagonal from the only other person at a table. Sit right next to them, forcing them to move all of their study material to accommodate yours.

4.  DO NOT hit on members of the opposite gender anywhere besides the 3rd floor, 5th floor, Periodicals or Asian Literature Section.

5.  DO NOT be surprised by the music on the 2nd floor, south side. Other people can hear it too, its not just you.

6.  DO NOT try to exit out the South Side of the library. Despite all of your wishing that you could just hop on over to the SWKT building, it will never happen.

7.  DO NOT mistake the 5th floor as a quiet zone.

8.  DO NOT read anything on the bookshelves. The books are just there for show.

9.  DO NOT (if you make the mistake of actually picking up a book) put it back where you found it, EVEN IF you have your finger in its EXACT location. DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT put it back on the shelf. (Even BYU needs job security measures).

10.  DO visit the ante-room to the women’s restroom by the LRC (4th floor) complete with full size mirror and multiple couches and lounge chairs. You must go, even if you are not a woman.

11.  DO text the entire time you sit in the library, and make sure you leave your phone on vibrate, so it rattles the entire table.

12.  DO be amused at how profane the “NO SH!!” zone is.

13.  DO gasp and squeal when you see your roommate from freshman year and dish ALL about your steaming hot dating life with the new kid in your ward. No one can hear you, I promise.

14.  DO update your status, stalk an ex-boyfriend’s wedding album, post cute things on all of your roommates walls and accept all pending friend requests in the 2nd or 3rd floor computer labs as 7 anxious BYU students wait in line for a free computer.

15.  DO make a goal to spend a night in the library (it’s been done folks).

16.  DO recruit next year’s summer sales team from the snack zone.

17.  DO sleep wherever you can find space. Your Marty McFly position is making everyone’s day (and Facebook page).

18.  DO make out with your significant other in front of all the students trying to study. Despite their disgusted stares they love all of your distracting and uncomfortable smooching and touching.

19.  DO jump 4 feet in the air when the closing music surprises you. It entertains the non-rookies.

It's a lot to remember, but it is all very essential to creating a perfect study environment for all the serious BYU students here.  So, head on over there (with these rules in hand) and start writing that American Heritage essay.

Oh, and one more rule....

20.  DO try to enter through the 'EXIT ONLY' door.


Brianne said...

So true.

Jefe said...

I don't want to sound like a noob......Snack Zone? where is this found? Maybe I've missed something crucial....? And...this mysterious does a guy gain entrance? Jenny! I need your help!

Katie said...

Awesome post.

Anonymous said...

This is an amazing post. People still do these things. However they have constructed an entrance to the South Side now. It is extremely nice