Friday, March 26, 2010

#18 Holi Festival of Colors

How does this sound for a weekend activity?

Sit in traffic for an hour.
Search for a parking spot for twenty minutes.
Walk three miles.
Crowd on a lawn with 10,000 other BYU students.
Wait in anticipation for the weird band to stop playing so you can get to the good stuff, but they just keep playing.

You may be reminded of the last big concert you went to, and thinking that it really was an enjoyable time. This however, is not a concert, this is the Holi Festival of Colors. The most overrated event in Utah Valley.

At face value the event does seem to have potential. As advertised the Spanish Fork Hare Krishna Temple hosts “Colors/Dance/Mantra/Cuisine/Music/Bonfire.” All of these things sound enticing, but really the whole thing turns into a Poser-Woodstock/Hack-Up-a-Lung/Take-a-Million-Photos occasion, one that will plague your Facebook feed for weeks to come.

The main lure of the Holi Festival of Colors is the chalk throwing. For a small fee event attendees can purchase authentic Indian powder (oh don’t worry, it's organic) in all different colors. This chalk is then thrown in the air and at other attendees for approximately 7 seconds. Everyone spends the next hour laughing about how purple their hair is, complaining about how much chalk they have inhaled, and taking pictures that all look the same (but STILL uploading all 60 of them to a Facebook album that night). The three hours after this are spent maneuvering through the crowds, walking back to the car, and sitting in traffic on a single lane road as chalk dust creeps into the most uncomfortable cavities in your body.

BYU students love the Holi Festival of Colors because it makes them feel like they really are at some crazy Woodstock event. There is live music, millions of people, substance abuse (in this case it is non-intentional—attendees have no choice but to fill their lungs with chalk dust), and the whole thing is about peace, love and worship. They love it. They flock to it.

Your BYU experience will not be complete if you do not attend the festival at least once. Only then will you understand just how truly idolized this event is, and how much you won’t be missing next year.

FYI: This year’s festival is March 27, in case you haven’t been invited on Facebook yet.

11 comments:

The Yellow Dart said...

funniest blog post i've ever read. and i couldn't agree more. the festival is a joke. i heard a girl almost DIED once from all the chalk. if you're looking for a REAL indian experience, go to India Palace on center street. they are legit.

Chase said...

Well Jenny, I had been considering going down there with some friends, but now you've made me feel dumb for even considering it. Well done. Brilliant blog, by the way.

Liese said...

I felt this way last year. I went for the 1st time last year and it was wayyy over rated! and I was coughing up chalk for the next few days

mdiller said...

Thanks for putting in to words why I'm not going this year. I do agree that it should be attended once though-just so you can say you've been. Yeah its a party, yeah everyone will be there, but I don't think I'll miss how exhausting and gross it all is. I just don't.

Jeff Rosenbaugh said...

You forgot to mention that this makes the typical, super mormony, BYU kid feel cultured and like they're having a super "diverse" experience because it's at a Hare Krishna Temple. "Oh, you don't want to go? Seriously, it will be such a cultural experience!" Nooooot so much..

Meghan Smith said...

I'm so glad that we have gone every year for 4 years together! this is our fifth! my favorite part has been getting to know a little bit more about why they burn a large fake stuffed with cotton black man in the center of that awesome bonfire...
This year I'll pick you up around 9am is that cool?

Miss Adams said...

Great post! Yeah, I've never understood the allure. Of course I've also never had the urge to feel like a dirty hippie. Although it reminds me of Regina Spektor's music video for "Fidelity." If it was more intimate like that I would check it out.

Anonymous said...

It seems like you guys have no idea what is Holi. You are bunch of retards , who do things without knowing their meaning. What do you say if I say general conference is place where some learned stupid people comes in front of thousands of people and always repeat the same thing.So you are all stupid to keep listening to same crap for last 180 something years.Get your thing religion straight first and then critic about other religion.

Anonymous said...

Wow, so you were in a crowd of 10,000 people and you just fucking sat there like a dumbass? Sounds like the problem is you and your lack of anything interesting to contribute. The blog wasn't funny at all, by the way. I agree with the Anonymous Hindi (I presume) whole-heartedly: learn why the fuck you're doing things, not everybody's religions are hollow shells of tradition. You and your commenters make me hope I never have to be within smelling distance of BYU.
Peace and love, cocksuckers.
California.
P.S. Extra shame on the fatass directing people to a fucking restaurant for a "cultural experience". I bet the waiters are dark and everything!

Avery Madisson said...

Awww this is too bad to hear. But in the pictures I've seen, Holi speaks festivity and fun. Too bad the blogger doesn't feel the same. Anyway, still expressing my happy holi wishes to all. Peace and love everyone! Happy Holi!

Easyday said...

Happy holi to all! Holi festival is coming so here's sending my warmest Holi wishes and greetings to all!

- Anne Walker